guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
