I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
