just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize