I just made out with a guy for $7.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
