I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
