well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we're making bets on your personal life
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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