I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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