How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Did I show you my penis last night?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
