The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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