u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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