can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
