I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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