I hate all girls vehemently.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize