Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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