I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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