So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
