Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
