he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
