why didn't you poke me back
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
