Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  What'd you do?

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Its more like what im about to do.

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  (313): I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight. (734): What'd you do? (313): Its more like what im about to do. http://tfl.nu/2yqx
  Replies (6) Good night (3601) Bad night (640)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.

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  (847): Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie. http://tfl.nu/jaub
  Replies (22) Good night (584) Bad night (4228)
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  (718): View more from New York

  I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.

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  (718): I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide. http://tfl.nu/8m3e
  Replies (6) Good night (4376) Bad night (664)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes

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  (781): At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes http://tfl.nu/p42l
  Replies (10) Good night (3357) Bad night (1087)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  tonight lets celebrate not being married

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  (318): tonight lets celebrate not being married http://tfl.nu/u5lc
  Replies (19) Good night (6874) Bad night (811)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.

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  (970): Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well. http://tfl.nu/7lfy
  Replies (20) Good night (7364) Bad night (1230)
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  (951): View more from California

  It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.

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  (951): It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle. http://tfl.nu/s5be
  Replies (15) Good night (948) Bad night (3647)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery

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  (360): Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery http://tfl.nu/djsi
  Replies (5) Good night (1691) Bad night (610)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?

  (940): View more from Texas

  I worry about you.

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  (817): What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes? (940): I worry about you. http://tfl.nu/kzw0
  Replies (6) Good night (592) Bad night (1107)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand

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  (410): Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand http://tfl.nu/h8jq
  Replies (3) Good night (1454) Bad night (333)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.

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  (647): I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover. http://tfl.nu/tjzc
  Replies (1) Good night (1206) Bad night (340)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian

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  (901): He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian http://tfl.nu/6if3
  Replies (2) Good night (1819) Bad night (320)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.

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  (203): I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe. http://tfl.nu/ze7a
  Replies (4) Good night (1091) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"

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  (817): I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here" http://tfl.nu/ku7n
  Replies (2) Good night (300) Bad night (276)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year

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  (775): Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year http://tfl.nu/wpi9
  Replies (9) Good night (267) Bad night (512)

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