Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty