Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

tod's in jail

(863): View more from Florida

he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.

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(407): tod's in jail (863): he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am. http://tfl.nu/355g

Replies (11) Good night (2559) Bad night (838)
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(510): View more from California

I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.

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(510): I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete. http://tfl.nu/ez0g

Replies (13) Good night (8710) Bad night (639)
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(586): View more from Michigan

yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.

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(586): yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster. http://tfl.nu/tawm

Replies (14) Good night (7436) Bad night (930)
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(209): View more from California

Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.

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(209): Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future. http://tfl.nu/yuzg

Replies (19) Good night (6505) Bad night (942)
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(678): View more from Georgia

You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"

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(678): You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs" http://tfl.nu/8pn3

Replies (14) Good night (6588) Bad night (1423)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?

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(605): just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl? http://tfl.nu/v0ft

Replies (10) Good night (5145) Bad night (823)
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(361): View more from Texas

Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.

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(361): Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am. http://tfl.nu/g88o

Replies (1) Good night (1210) Bad night (2254)
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(804): View more from Virginia

Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.

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(804): Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned. http://tfl.nu/m2za

Replies (19) Good night (2891) Bad night (1622)
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(516): View more from New York

It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.

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(516): It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night. http://tfl.nu/9z84

Replies (6) Good night (2671) Bad night (627)
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(217): View more from Illinois

So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.

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(217): So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world. http://tfl.nu/kbv9

Replies (18) Good night (2421) Bad night (1591)
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(805): View more from California

Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.

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(805): Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea. http://tfl.nu/87ng

Replies (6) Good night (812) Bad night (1684)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles

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(+44): Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles http://tfl.nu/aiso

Replies (4) Good night (509) Bad night (1611)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends

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(304): I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends http://tfl.nu/jtxo

Replies (6) Good night (516) Bad night (781)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.

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(503): Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson. http://tfl.nu/op2p

Replies (4) Good night (332) Bad night (487)
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(314): View more from Missouri

The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.

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(314): The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it. http://tfl.nu/vg1e

Replies (12) Good night (558) Bad night (193)

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