She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.