Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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