worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
