Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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