I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
