good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
