i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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