Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
