I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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