i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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