I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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