My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
