Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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