i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
