so that wasnt chicken after all
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
there's paper in my vomit.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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