Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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