Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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