We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
