i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
