i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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