I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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