there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
