Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
