It's Friday. Sex?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.