we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
last night I used snow as a chaser
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?