After last night, I could never be a politician.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.