If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.