I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
