2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
