If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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