I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
