FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
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This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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