Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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