im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
