The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
