I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
