My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
