I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
