I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
