We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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